I left my heart in.....

I am a traveler and adventurer at heart. I love to travel and see new sights and experience new things. This love also causes me to fall in love with several places. I have left my heart in several places in my 22 years of life. 

The first place is Boise, Idaho. 

This city has been in my heart since I was a young girl. I grew up here, and it still surprises me with its beauty every time. Boise is a beautiful city, even though it is small. There is much to see and do if you know the right places to go. I love going downtown in the summer to do some shopping and to sit outside at a cafe or restaurant. Julia Davis park is also one of my favorite spots in Boise. The Boise Zoo is nestled there, as well as a small pond where you can rent a paddle-boat. My family would also rent bikes and bikes the miles of greenbelt along the Boise River. This city will always be in my heart, as well as the whole of the state of Idaho itself.

The next place I left my heart in was Villalba, Spain. 

This is the city my aunt and uncle live in just outside of Madrid. It has the amenities of being in a big city, but the beauty and architecture of a small Spanish village. Many of the streets are cobblestone, and walking their lengths around the village takes you back in time. I have been to this city three times, and it never gets old. There is always something new to see. My favorite thing to do is sit at an outdoor cafe after my family's Catholic mass, listening to the hub-bub and boisterous laughter of their Spanish friends, and watching people ride or walk by. They also have wonderful bakeries that always have the smell of just-out-of-the-oven goods. 

The last and most recent place is Colorado Springs.

I was recently driving home from Denver, and I had to drive over Monument Hill before I could see Colorado Springs and the valley it occupies. When I made it to the top of the Hill, I had this feeling of warmness and peace...the feeling you get when you know you are home. I have really fallen in love with this city. Pikes Peak is the most spectacular mountain to gaze upon every morning. I walk outside and thank God for this wonderful view. There is still so much to explore in this city, but I love the view and the mountains when I am standing amidst them. I also love the people we are meeting in this city. So many people from so many different backgrounds and experiences. Because Colorado Springs is a  heavy military city, many of its inhabitants are not native to the area. Just like Josh and I, they bring a story of a different place, where a part of their heart still lies. 

As I look at these three places, I see a resemblance in each of the pictures. A city nestled by the mountains. The mountains in each place are majestic and have its own character. I have been blessed to live by the mountains. They bring so much life and beauty to a place. I think it also brings a humbleness to mankind. I see the city that man created, but in the background, I see the mountains God created. We are not so big after all. We can build skyscrapers, but only God can build mountains. I stand in awe of the beauty He created. 

I hope to travel much more in my lifetime, but for now, I am satisfied exploring our new state of Colorado. There is so much to explore and experience! AND I AM EXCITED!

Kicking and Screaming

In the past few weeks, I have been struggling with my thoughts and fears. I let them spin around in my head until there is no hope in my mind. I lose hope for those few moments, and I end up feeling so far away from God. I have succumbed to my fears. I have succumbed to the lies Satan throws at me.

Josh and I have been struggling these last few weeks as he tries hard to make progress with his project. I never knew how helpless I would feel as a wife when he is struggling with engineering. Engineering is so foreign to me--as foreign as the Chinese language. I can't offer him any practical help with his work. Sometimes I want to go over to his office and rip the wires out of his computers, and say "I fixed it. I turned it off so you don't have to stress and worry about it anymore." Obviously, that is not the answer. As one of my friends from church told me this week, "Our men don't want their wives to solve their problems. They want their respect and support." I know this full well. Josh wouldn't want me to solve his problems. I would be terrible at it. However, I can continue to support him and encourage him. To me, this doesn't seem like enough, but I know that it is.

I have also had to hold back and fight back bitter and angry thoughts that his project is taking so much time away from me and being at home. It doesn't seem fair that I am at home most of the day twiddling my thumbs while he is wracking his brain for 10 hours a day. My sister-in-law wisely told me that I may want him home more, but I probably don't need him home more. I thought about that, and realized that I do want him home. I do want him stress-free. Marriage is not about getting what we want, however. It is about sacrifice. It is about completely denying oneself in order to love the other more fully. I have a chalkboard in our kitchen that I used in our wedding. Now I write Bible verses that I need to see everyday to be reminded of God's truth. This week's verse is Matthew 16:24.

Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

Through this hard time with Josh's job, I have been battling my sinful and selfish nature in order to be more loving and respectful to Josh. I feel like I am grinding my teeth because I want things my way, but God continually picks me up and tells me to keep loving. To fight the good fight. To keep loving Josh. 


I thought the following comic one of my friends posted on Facebook was very appropriate for my circumstances right now.

People told me marriage would be hard. It isn't until we are actually married that we realize that everyone isn't pulling a cruel trick on us. They tell us marriage is hard, and we think they are just joking or trying to scare us. But it's not a trick. It's a fact of life. It is hard living with someone when we are so sinful. It's not always a can of peaches. Nevertheless, it is also very wonderful. It is wonderful living and going through the journey of life with your best friend. Josh is the most wonderful man I will ever know. I know he isn't perfect, and he knows I'm not perfect. We know times are hard right now, and we are trying to make the most of the time we do have together. We keep praying and hoping his project will be done soon. God has it all in control. He knows what he is doing. He knows and had a purpose for all of this.

Even though I may be kicking and screaming in my head that it isn't fair or it's too hard, I know it isn't too hard with God on my side. I don't have to give in to my fear. I don't have to tear myself apart with shame and guilt. I can know that I am loved, I am growing, and I am making progress. As Joyce Meyer often says, "I am not where I want to be, but at least I am not where I was." Amen to that! God is a God of hope! He loves us too much to leave us where we are. I know I don't want to stay where I am at. Oh the journey of life!

Soli Deo Gloria